mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
