His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i've created a new STD.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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