I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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