went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
