just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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