Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
organizing the empties. That sober.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize