just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
