WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just found a bag of teeth...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
