At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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