I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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