Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I need water and some morals
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
