tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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