Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
