So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
