Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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