It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
