I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
