so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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