theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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