Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
