Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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