You can't special order awesome
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
