I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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