My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he puts the penis in happiness.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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