So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
