that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
