It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
