my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
