do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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