my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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