the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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