I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
