At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
