Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize