Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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