Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
