She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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