Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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