he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
