i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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