I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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