I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
