god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
