I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
