i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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