does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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