she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
