My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
