oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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