Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
