the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
