chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
