weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
