You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
