Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
