If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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