Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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