last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
