he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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