Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
