seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
