In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
