So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
