I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
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I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
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Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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