you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
